And I hate myself…

Yes, I hate myself for becoming irresponsible with my duties lately.

Reason? I have been so busy and loaded with office work and really need to catch up with all pending jobs that the former person left. It’s all headache and pressure. However, that shouldn’t block me to do what I really ought to do. I know that. I should know what to prioritize. Honestly, I am really annoyed with my shortcomings. It hurts me, but…. Ok, ok. NO EXCUSES.

So today, I am taking this opportunity. I will start to eliminate my backlogs one by one- and have to finish it all today. You heard it right- today, God willing. I have already set my mood, you know. And because of that I have to strike the iron while it’s hot.

So get out of my way, blockers! c”,) I am on my way going back to loving myself again by doing what I am suppose to accomplish.

I hope and pray that my God be with me.

Why relationships fail...

Yes, I am being emotional this time. Not because my relationship is shaking. Of course not ;) This is because of this book I have been reading for days now. I have this book more than two years ago in a book sale and I have not touched it since then. And out of boredom at work, i brought this book with me and finally read it during my break. Its an old story of written by Danielle Steel and filmed around ten years ago but i was not able to see it or even had an idea of what the story was all about. But since I have read some Danielle Steel authored books and I find it good, I picked "Daddy".

Well, I am writing this blog not to praise the movie if it was done perfectly cinematic (I have not seen it, anyway) or the book amazingly composed. But a thought went across my mind: relationships fail because there is one person or both person in a relationship is just thinking about what will make them happy without thinking how the people around them would feel.

The story was about a mother that walked out from her family to give way to what she really wanted to do with her life. To make the long story short, the whole family was wrecked and devastated. And making it hard for Daddy to cope up. He was caught off-guard. He did not see this coming. It is really saddening that people sometimes are so aware that they are doing the wrong things to people they love so much, but because of "me-myself-and I" thinking, they become unreasonable. And do not even care about how it would impact on those that are involved.

This story is so common nowadays. If only people would find a way know that this is so against God's will, maybe they will do otherwise. If only people would know that it is not what we achieve in life that matters but how we live according to what God wants. Oh yes, if only.

I don't really know how to explain how I feel. All i know is,   "House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. Pro 19:14"

So wives and husbands, I hope we do our best to be considered "from God"

Want clear explanation about what message I want to say? Please watch the links below:

 Part 1.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgRqD5hVMM&feature=related

Part 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HbO6IrM1EQ&feature=related

Part 3.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBPwyitb1sA&feature=related

Part 4.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2ROpNmQvOI&feature=related

An Open letter to God

As I was spending my breaktime surfing the net yesterday afternoon, I visited my old blogsite where I have not written any new entries for a year or two. I run through each and every entry and I found this open letter of mine- for my God.

Dear  God,

All these years, i’ve been through a lot.. so much happiness, so much anger, so much sadness… and through all that time You were always beside me.. . You have given me the best things that i could have… even now that im hurting so much, i still thank you, Lord…  it came to me as a surprise, i never thought that i will be one of those few people that will experience this and will have this with me until the day i die.. i maybe crying now, but i assure Dear God that i accept it whole-heartedly.. i will always bear in mind that "all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose" (romans 8:28-29).

Help me God… ease my pain… for whatever purpose, i thank You for giving this to me…

You are one great God that gives your children the best. thank for this another gift of love to me… Thank you for i will be stronger after this storm… 

Love,

Me

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 11:18 pm  

I wrote this two years ago. While reading, I became a bit nostalgic. The memory flashed back to me. I remember how I was so silent when they broke the news to us. I tried my best not to burst in tears. At that moment, I need to show strength and courage- amidst circumstance, others will not accept with a smile. After reading, I examined myself. Yes, I don't feel the pain anymore. 100% painless. Thanks God. This letter have reminded me on the reason why I am here now in the place where I refused to stay before.  Since I am becoming restless again, itching to go back where I really wanted to be, now my mind has been cleared of cloudy thoughts. I am thankful to see this letter one more time.

At this very moment, I have realized that I am so very susceptible and has tendency to forget important promises when circumstance don't favor me. Human nature, that is why- maybe. But I have forgotten that I don't have any rationale to use to defend what I want. God has plans for me, and all that happens is what He allows. 

From our last International Thanksgiving, we have learned that a true Christian will surely have a happy ending.

And happy endings are reserved for those that will endure the tribulations, trials, mockery and humilliations this world is giving. That is from this harsh world we live in. What more if I can withstand the seems-to-be-failures-and-heartaches that God is giving to me? Well, the choice is always mine. And I am choosing to be obedient- to best way I can. Help me God, I cant do this alone.

..... I love happy ending.
..... I want happy ending. 
..... I look forward to happy ending. 

New flavor combination: Bitter cum sourgrapes

So excited and all, me and my friends were arranging our date for Friday morning. Yes, we have a very important date that 100% made our hearts beat so fast.

Then friday morning came. I woke up so early just to make sure that before I leave for airport to see our big brother before he go off to Philppines, everything is fixed for my "boss".

To make the story short, myself along with my other three friends were already in the taxi going to the airport when "Fairy Gaymother's" phone rang. As i listen to their conversation, the handsome (hahaha) guy on the other end bluntly told him that our much awaited "moment" was spoiled. Kuya, along with his companions had checked in. Oh men! I felt like a pail of water was poured on my whole being. We were all disappointed! We then started blaming each other for not coming much earlier. However, we still proceeded to see those who came there ahead of us.

Heavy-hearted that we were, it was really so difficult to smile when we have some picture taking at the airport. Well, pictures to remind us that we missed seeing Kuya. (sigh) I know, its not only me who felt bad. We all felt bad but we tried our best to make things light for us. For others, those who do not understand- this may sound too shallow and so petty. But for us, its not.

                   Starbucks Drinks for the sour-graping bitters

However, we have to move on, dear blogspot. So to make our day a little bit brighter, we forced Dear J to take us to Starbucks for a yummy pastry and a cup of hearty iced coffee. You know blogspot, I loved my friends more today- my beloved God-given friends. Righteous ones. For what happened today may just be another ordinary for an ordinary man, but this day is not an ordinary day for a peculiar people like me because today, I have seen something beautiful. I saw people who appreciate and love a very special gift from GOD who was given to us, unwrapped but so special.

I love you all, friends.

What Matters Most

I am just a simple person. I love simple life and simple living. You dont need to exert too much effort to please me. I laugh loud even with the corniest joke. I joke a lot becuase I want things to be always on the lighter side. (for those who dont really know me, or did not even have close encounter with me- they will think otherwise.)

I am appreciative with every little thing that others do for me. But maybe, because of my "kababawan ng kaligayahan" I can be easily disappointed, too. Yes, it may be irony to you- but its not. Well, Come to think of it. I asked for small thing, but promised other thing. Ok ok, it may sound better and bigger but that is not what I want and what I need. However fabulous it is- that is not what I want.

On the other hand, there is no choice left for me. I need to go on and just accept the reality dahil kahit naman maglupasay ako, I wont get what I want. As a learned Christian, kailangan mabuhay na nagtitiis. Even in things that I think I need to fight for pero kung titimbangin, pwede naman palampasin, so let it be.

This night, I sat down for hours contemplating and then realized, most of the burden that I really need to carry is about enduring everyday life because from small matters in everyday living lies "pagtitiis" the most. I just l told myself, baka me tinitiis din naman sa kin eh. I might be trying to endure the irritating small stuffs, pero sa kin baka malaki pala ang tinitiis, I just dont know. So, for this good thought- Thanks, God. I feel lighter now.